To quote a wonderful film *clears throat* The Good Dinosaur… “You have to get through your fear to see the beauty on the other side” by Poppa.
Which I completely agree with but on a cold, dark night and in a cabin alone in the wilderness one tends to just think she is crazy and is annoyed by her stupid decision to do this.
Another quote by Butch this time “if you ain’t scared, you ain’t alive” which, when I saw this film on the airplane (after two/three glasses of red wine) I began to cry and feel a connection to these characters. They understood me!
Again, here I am feeling more alive than ever but bloody paranoid it’ll be my last feeling of my last day! Every night here my heart is in my chest thumping. I swear sometimes it’s so loud the Bears outside can here it too.
Its frustrating as am trying to enjoy the beauty and the scenery and serenity.. But I do not feel serene once the sun has fully set. This is the first time in my life that I check the sunset time daily to figure out when I can start to be alert. It’s very tiring.
I figured this would happen.
But I do hope I get used to this all, it’s just that feeling of letting your guard down and then it happens. Whatever ‘it’ is meant to be.
Funny that in the wilderness we feel in danger but in a city we feel safer.
Having ranted. I will try to relax a little, read a little until I’m sleepy enough to close my eyes.
And I refuse to give up! There’s a reason I chose to come out here. To toughen up. To do physical work and to become braver. Never thought it would be easy.
Must stay positive…
Will be walking and talking like a cowboy in no time 😉