First Return Home

I write to you from Montreal Airport.

After just under 2 years – I’m returning to my place of origin – Europe. I can’t narrow it down any further as my family and friends are quite scattered – and having the dual nationality means I’ll always be a little split.

I’ll add winter photos to keep the page pretty.

I just realized with a school friend that the last time I saw her, we were in our 20s and now, two years later, we have hit the 30s benchmark. That’s quite exciting! We both then very quickly mentioned how little our maturity has developed and proceeded to send random one word statements like ‘boobies’.

I’ve had 6 weeks to plan the trip, 3 countries in 6 weeks. Doable? Yes. In theory at least.

I have not taken into account my energy levels and tiredness rankings as I planned the schedule, 7am flights and overnight driving etc. But, it’ll all be worth it.

I get to spend time and catch up with my family and my sans-blood family; my friends. I have missed certain people so much that I have certainly doubted my choice to move out to Canada in the first place. Let alone – Return! But that’s how I am, they’re used to it. I’m used to it. With the wonders of technology and ‘the net’ distance has never felt so close.

Now, I’ve known about this trip since, probably, September last year. And these trips, these long, milestone trips do bring up certain feelings and questions. I shall present to you now.

Font is different as these are from my notes (and I’m too crap at technology to figure out font change).

Question – are you where you wanna be?

Which quickly turned into –

Where the FUCK do you need to wanna be?

These are the categories (of the Olympic Games that is adulthood)

House?

Partner?

Kids?

Travel?

Job?

Happy?

Healthy?

Mortgage? Car? Status? (V.boring categories – these are on at like, 6am – when people aren’t really watching).

I’m sure there’s more, but these are the main ones I’ve noticed, that people have noticed.

And then the crazy mind does all these sub-questions…

Why do we want these things? And,

Is it all supposed to look the same?

Are we all just comparing ourselves?

Happy. Healthy, shouldn’t they be the main two?

Because everything fits into happiness, right?

And everyone is different.

My priority number 1. I want a roof over my head when I’m old – if I get there. (I’d like to get there – don’t we all?)

And I want to feel loved.

And I want to feel like I’m living a meaningful life. Whatever that means to me .

Exploration. Romantic love. Possibly child? And dogs. Dogs.rock.and.roll.my.world.

As for children, whether biological or through adoption, I want to take care of someone, help someone become a good human being. And experience all the love you feel from being so close to someone.

Let’s worry about that one later? K?

K.

If we’re not where we’re supposed to be, well I think we’re certainly on our way. But things change, people change, paths change. And that’s okay. I’m sure we’re all walking, talking and farting contradictions anyway. Do we even really know what we want?

There are so many options out there, so many different routes to take and the destination is the same.

“It does no good to hurry. Because the graves are our last destination

Those of us in a hurry get there a lot faster.”

Lonesome Dove

I feel like there’s a lot of owning nowadays, own a tv, a car, a house, a pet, an iPod-watch-pad-wall. You’ll see – we will have iwalls soon enough. I think it helps us feel immortal. I certainly feel better buying something before I fly – as a person who’s afraid of flying (and flies a lot) it helps. As does writing 😉

I have also noticed, since living in a ‘prominent’ western country again status is a darn big thing. Your income. And your owning of things certainly represents your income. Perhaps it’s because I’m getting older and might be thinking of these things more. However, I didn’t notice it so much in Taiwan or Spain – further posts explaining why later. But on the whole I think that I’m Canada, the UK and the USA have a lot of pressure with status and owning. This but a mere observation, although, I do observe well.

It’s always nice to look back and think of your predictions, expectations and hopes but I think, we must also just be happy of the present and if certain things are not ‘where you should be’ that’s okay and you’re still on the right track.

Unless you’re not – then your friends should nag at you. It’s easy to get blinded by obstacles *ahem* or people.

And if someone lives a different way or does these life categories in a different order, let’s just let them be. As long as no one is hurting another – we should all be free to do as we please.

If people tell you you can’t – this is their limitation – not yours.

Getting off topic!!

I’m so excited to come back, and at the same time, it feels great to come back to my Canadian world after my trip. Immigration officer at the border permitting – remember the catastrophe of Saskatoon Airport? Ya.

If I have to confront another burly Canadian officer to get my correct visa again – I will. I’m short but I can jump quite high.

I’m going to try and post weekly from the trip. It should be quite a ride.

Boobies.

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